Small Group Leaders

Small Group Leader RESOURCES (OCTOBER 2007)

Spiritual maturity is produced in our lives from having to work with others through a variety of ministry situations. This also enriches our own experience of ministry and provides us with valuable feedback on how we can continue to grow. Gathering with others is vital to our health and the health of our ministry.

The Holy Spirit empowers us to enter into a radical lifestyle for God’s kingdom when we gather to carry out His purposes together. There is enormous latent potential that can be realized when you gather with other believers in Jesus’ Name. The Lord will give inspiration, guidance, and His power to those who demonstrate their need for Him and each other by gathering in Jesus’ Name. May your passion and purpose for serving Christ be renewed this fall!

ONE:

SMALL GROUP LEADERSHIP TIP – Recognize Your Group’s Uniqueness (learn, listen, love)

Take the time to learn who is in your group. This starts with your first gathering where you’ll talk about what you’ll be doing together as a group and learn about those who came: Who they are (their family, personal passion, profession, and other interests), how long have they’ve been at our church, and what they’re hoping for from the small group. This initial conversation influences the way in which your group will engage with your upcoming study. Always be listening to what people have to say and also listen for where they’re at. Your small group will be healthy when people feel loved – this isn’t all up to you, but you are a primary catalyst for it. Keep in mind that a small group leader is a person who takes the lead in creating the environment where biblical community can grow! But God is the One who will make it grow (1 Cor 3:6-7). Your group participants will be living out all of our church’s purposes when biblical community is realized!

TWO:

Gathering a Committed Core

Jesus demonstrated God’s value system by loving people. He invested in those who were in ministry with Him. It begs the question: How are we loving the people God has placed in our lives? Jesus apparently spent half of His time with the Twelve. Think of who this would be in your life. Then He spent a third of His time overall with a committed core of followers. Think of who this would be in your life. Now fill-in the chart below:

How is the Lord leading you to gather in Jesus’ Name with other people in your group who are committed to put God’s Kingdom first in their lives and pursue relationships the way Jesus did? Think of the people in your group who have extended love, offered their time sacrificially, served with their gifts, volunteered to help in practical ways with the group, shown hospitality, initiated special gatherings, or championed certain values or purposes of your church like evangelism. Whoever comes to your mind, make the first step of inviting them out to coffee outside of your regular scheduled group time just to see how they’re doing.

The goal is to find two other people with whom you can intentionally do life together. God will infuse these relationships with His power and make them vibrant. These relationships will, in turn, infect your group or ministry team with a desire to build biblical community.

THREE:

People tend to become what the most important people in their lives think they will become. Here are some assumptions about human nature, which can make a positive influence in your leadership: Assumption 1: Everyone wants to feel worthwhile. Assumption 2: Everyone needs and responds to encouragement. Assumption 3: People “buy into” the leader before they “buy into” his or her leadership. Assumption 4: Most people do not know how to be successful. Assumption 5: Most people are naturally motivated. – John C. Maxwell, Developing The Leader Within You

Trust and Trustworthiness

Mutual trust begins with your attitude about the people who are in your group. Do you assume the best? Do you believe they long to be faithful followers of Christ? Do you think they want to grow spiritually and make an eternal impact with their lives? It takes a leader with vision to see the work God is doing in people’s lives and who they are becoming in Christ.

Our assumptions about people show more than most of us realize. Some might see it in our expressions while others see them in the decisions we make. People’s interpretation of our assumptions about them will color their response to our leadership. When they see distrust, they are disheartened and ultimately disempowered. On the other hand, when they see trust, they are emboldened, motivated, and empowered. Read Maxwell’s assumptions listed above and prayerfully consider how the Lord would have you reflect these beliefs through your small group leadership. Another way to think of it: If the people in your group could honestly write-out the assumptions that they think you have about them, what do you think they would say?

FOUR:

The Basics of Handling Conflict – Part 1 of 2

Community is messy business. Having differences in a small group, acknowledging disappointments and hurt feelings, running up against frustrations and challenges is all part of moving to deeper maturity in community and Christ-likeness. In fact, conflict can be the very thing that helps your group to break-through to new levels of honesty and freedom in Christ.

When you trace Christ’s interactions with the Pharisees, His reaction at the Temple with the money-changers, and some exchanges with the disciples, it becomes clear that Jesus did not avoid conflict. The New Testament doe not gloss over the reality of conflict in community. However, God's Word makes a difference between constructive conflict and senseless quarreling (Rom 14:19; Eph 4:25-32; 2 Tim 2:23-24).

The key to handling conflict constructively is open communication. Ephesians 4:25, 30 shows us how this works: "So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger... Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.” Notice how open communication involves speaking the truth (not stuffing down feelings) and doing so in love. The motivation is to bless the other as opposed to being self-serving or self-vindicating. Grace reigns over judgment. Love overcomes the temptation to condemn.

Open communication seeks mutual growth and takes steps toward reconciliation. It acknowledges difficult situations and feelings and does not try to avoid or cover up conflict. Conflict-avoidance has a way of decimating relationships and destabilizing the development of biblical community. Open communication is hard work that encourages realness and respect, which are needed for biblical community to grow (Acts 2:42-47).

FIVE:

Effective Communication

Communication Tips § Encourage – a lot § Clarify expectations throughout your group’s life – how are participants growing? § Ninety percent of communication is non-verbal so muster up plenty of warm smiles § Give your full attention to people when they’re talking to you – maintain eye contact § Repeat back questions before responding to ensure you’re answering the right question § LISTEN before thinking of what you’re going to say next – don’t be afraid of pauses § Model humility – this communicates more than you’ll ever know (Php 2:1-11). § When needed, confront instead of harboring frustration (voice the complaint first with the person privately and directly then follow-up with sincere encouragements) § Take the time to pull participants aside and ask them how they’re really doing – show you care § Think before speaking (respond, don’t react)

The most important quality of effective communication is listening. It begins with removing distractions from your mind and focusing on the speaker. Avoid the temptation to interrupt. More often than not, we tend to interrupt with our own thoughts and ideas; in other words, our own agenda. It is helpful to make eye-contact with the speaker and let them know with the nod of the head or an affirming word that you understand. When they are finished sharing, provide feedback by first repeating back your understanding of the speaker's message.

You will communicate more effectively with others if you are clear about what you intend to communicate. By knowing your purpose, you will also be able to choose more effectively whether to communicate publicly or privately; orally or in writing. You can also enhance the clarity of your message in several ways:

Ø Know your group and deliver a message at the right level.

Ø Know your group’s frame of reference. What lens or grid of expectations are they peering through?

Ø Sometimes you may even have to create a common frame of reference to allow your message to be understood.

Ø Use unambiguous terms and congruent verbal and nonverbal signals to match the content of your message.

Ø Actively ensure that your group understands your message by soliciting feedback and paying attention to their verbal and nonverbal cues. (It is estimated that only 10% of actual communication is delivered in spoken words. The rest comes to us in the attitude of the body.)

Communication is purposeful exchange. Former President Gerald Ford was once quoted as saying, “Nothing in life is more important than the ability to communicate effectively.” You cannot reach your potential as a small group leader without deliberately sharpening your communication skills.

SIX:

How to Conduct the First Meeting

The first step to building fellowship is connecting with others, usually in regular face-to-face gatherings. If small group leadership is something that is new to you, this section offers some practical guidance for how you can set the stage for fellowship and what to do during your meeting.

It is recommended that you take some steps to building fellowship BEFORE your first meeting. The first may sound obvious, but is overlooked by many people seeking to launch a new group: Build a core to your group by inviting friends before it even begins (pre-vite). Do this by inviting as many friends as you can think of and asking them to invite as many of their friends as they can think of.

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Grace & Peace on you & your group this fall,