Small Group Leaders

Small Group Leader RESOURCES (APRIL 2008)

“From [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” – Eph 4:16

Every body has ligaments. A ligament holds muscles together so a body can work. Small group leaders are the ligaments of a church body that allows its members to build each other up in love. They do so by creating environments for people to come together so they can do the things Jesus wants them to do. Togetherness happens in our church the way it does because of your commitment to love others. Your love enables people to build each other up in love and allows our church body to move and grow together. Connection takes connectors and our church’s leadership is so glad you’re one of them! God bless you this next month as you take your time and energy to put these resources to work so the rest of our church body can work in ways that glorify our Lord Christ.

ONE:

Making Conversation

Not everyone is a natural at creating conversation. This is an important skill as a small group leader because your ability to converse helps people to feel more at ease and at home in your group. Following are some practical tips that can help in building your confidence in making conversation that actually constructs community:

1. Tune-In – It’s easier to talk about things that we know about and interest us. However, strong facilitators know that listening to others and learning about what interests them is hard, but necessary work, if they want to see biblical community flourish in their groups. People light up when they hear about things they’re knowledgeable about and are interested in talking about. Identify what these subjects are for those in your group and bring them up in conversation. For example, if they’re parents, ask them about their kids. If you know somebody enjoys a hobby, ask them about that. If you don’t know what people love in life, ask them! Look for pitch in voice and gestures – both tend to increase when people are engaged and excited about what they’re talking about. Make note of it!

2. Be Humble – Admit mistakes, ask for help, share your own short-comings, and when you don’t know something – say-so. These are all things that make people feel more comfortable in a group setting. If you do this as a leader, they’ll feel freer to be themselves and not as much like they need to come across as having things more together in their lives than they really do. One simple way you can do this is to learn to laugh at yourself and open up about areas you’re trying to improve in your own life. People can discern genuine honesty and they can also detect pretense – one is sure to build community and the other can deconstruct it.

3. Make Eye Contact – This is more than a toast-masters tip…it’s a key facilitation skill. By locking eyes with the speaker, you show you’re interested. Some people will interpret a lack of eye contact as a lack of interest in them and their story. Nod and affirm with quick verbal affirmations like “Yep, I hear ya…I know…You’re right…etc.”

4. Smiles & Humor – Smiles stimulate conversation and help to retain people’s attention (and interest) in any conversation. Also, you’ll find overall participation increases when you share humorous stories based on personal experiences. Identification is the natural response for many people and this ignites a desire to share their own stories. Consequently, participants learn more about one another and discover new things they share in common. These interactions serve as ‘Miracle Grow’ for biblical community.

5. Practice, practice, practice – There’s a conversational rhythm to every group and over time you’ll become more adept at identifying it and effective at developing it. After each meeting, you grow a little more in confidence, and as your confidence grows, so do your abilities in all the skills mentioned above. Nobody is perfect at making conversation, but everybody can improve their ability to engage in it in ways that build healthy relationships. Another way you can sharpen your conversation-making skills is to envision upcoming discussions and imagine how participants might respond to study questions. Then think about how you could sprinkle your group’s interaction with short personal stories or insights that take less than 30-seconds to share. Both of these help to keep conversational momentum in the group, but usually require some forethought and imaginative practice.

TWO:

Simple Small Group Study

1. Less is More – Prepare…but not too much. Pull together only HALF as much as you think you’ll have time to go through in a single gathering. Generally, facilitators with LESS material on hand to go through find themselves more open to the conversation going new and different directions. Conversely, facilitators with MORE material prepared to cover experience more pressure to progress through it. You want to be time-conscious, but not too ambitious about what can be achieved during a highly-relational 1-2 hour meeting.

2. Point to the destination…but don’t give too much direction on how to get there. Think of ONE thing you’d like for your group participants to walk away with. What do you hope they’ll learn or feel as a result of your study and discussion? For example, “I hope each person will learn in a deeper way that Jesus is with her every moment of every day and therefore will experience more of His peace in her daily life.” What matters in the study time is not how much ground you cover as it is how much transformation happens within members’ hearts. This can happen through study content, but more often, it occurs through Spirit-led human interaction.

3. Guide, don’t direct – Be flexible with the “agenda” and avoid over-facilitation. Trust the Lord with how the study and conversation flows. The tendency is the more a facilitator speaks, the less responsive people get.

The response ratios to the right, which measure how the number of people in a group affects individual participation, don’t always hold true because every group’s dynamic is unique. However, it’s good to be aware of these ‘interpersonal laws’ because they can prompt you to know how to encourage greater interactivity. Increased interactivity results in more energetic and fruitful conversation. Besides, following the other ‘simple rules’ shared in this section compresses these response ratio results.

4. Recap and Refocus – Share what the group accomplished together and a basic plan for your next gathering. This instills a since of accomplishment and purpose for group members. It shows them that you have a plan (albeit unfolding) and that you’re all going someplace together. This simple practice boosts participants’ commitment and brings more focus to the course of your study overall.

5. Don’t meet up to the last minute – Give people time to unwind and socialize toward the end of each gathering; it’s a simple way to foster unity and inclusion in the group. This is more likely to create a positive conclusion for everyone, which will leave them with an increased desire to come back for more. This also ensures all participants, particularly those who have to get home for the sake of their kids or the next-day’s schedule, can do so without stress and enjoy the company of the whole group.

THREE:

Empowering Assumptions

The assumptions leadership holds about people shapes their experience of connection and belonging in a small group. What you believe about people and their innate ‘default desires’ influences how you lead. Your assumptions can create bridges or barriers to how you connect with your group’s participants. Holding these positive assumptions (chart-to-right) about group participants will build cohesion in your group and empower them to pursue their God-given vision for loving Him and others.

FOUR:

Co-Leaders – How to Choose Them

Practically speaking, a co-leader is a partner in ministry who helps you lead your small group. The Bible sets a precedent for co-leadership. Examples include Paul and Timothy, Barnabas and John-Mark, Jesus and His disciples, and Paul and Silas.

In Luke 6:12–13, Jesus gives us a model for selecting co-leaders: “One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles.” In these verses, the Lord lays out a four-step process for choosing a co-leader:

1. He prayed extensively.
2. He called together those who were following and learning from him.
3. He chose them.
4. He designated (appointed) them.

This final step is the equivalent of empowering group participants to minister simply by asking them to champion a specific aspect of group-life in keeping with their spiritual gifts.

When approaching a potential co-leader, begin with the end in view. Start with a vision for how his or her leadership will help build biblical community. In other words, try to give co-leaders a glimpse of the satisfaction and fulfillment you regularly receive as a group leader.

Remember that prospective co-leaders will find comfort in knowing specifically how you and the rest of the group will support them as they take on new responsibilities. It’s a good idea to announce their co-leadership in front of the group. Affirm that you are proud of them for stepping out in faith to serve God, how you expect imperfection (the case for all of us!), and how you’re excited to see the ways they’re going to grow through new ministry experiences.

Your health and balance as a leader – not to mention the overall health and balance of the group – is dependant on others who will step into ministry alongside you. Co-leaders lessen the load you carry from week to week. They also increase the leader/member ratio, which accelerates spiritual growth and outreach.

FIVE:

Good Questions Show Good Listening

Learn to understand people and help them understand themselves

According to Robert L. Montgomery, author of Listening Made Easy, the ten most common characteristics of a good listener are:

1. Looks at me while I'm speaking.
2. Questions me to clarify what I'm saying.
3. Shows concern by asking questions about my feelings.
4. Repeats some things I say.
5. Doesn't rush me.

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Grace and Peace to you and your small group as you grow together this next month,